MHANYS - Community Connections, Fall 2002

Book For Children of Parents with Mental Illness
By Lynn Kerner, LICSW, and Johanna Ambrosio

Do you know of a book to help explain mental illness to my stepchildren? Their mom is ill and I don't know where to turn.

This was the request of a friend, a simple request on the surface. But a search through libraries and calls to child counselors yielded nothing except textbook-like materials for my friend's middle-school-aged children. "Boring!" they said. It was then that our book was born.

Since September 2001 we have interviewed around 50 professionals, parents, children and adult-children in New York and Massachusetts. We visited New York's Invisible Children's Project and the Emerge Program, among others, and received a warm welcome and a great education on this issue.

Parents who have a mental illness and adult-children from this situation have spoken to us at length and with candor. We have learned much, but following are some of the highlights:

There are millions of children dealing with this situation;
These children are at increased risk for behavioral, social, developmental, academic and psychiatric difficulties;
Stabilizing influences for the child include natural resiliency, a relationship with another trusted adult, activities outside of the home, support groups, teaching of positive coping skills;

Many adult-children have told us that no one really explained what was going on. Some felt abandoned because they couldn't understand why the parent would "just disappear" during hospitalizations or manic episodes. Some found an unconscious parent who had tried to commit suicide; still, no one explained. Others felt afraid or guilty frequently, hearing a parent rage or sobbing deep into the night. They almost always felt alone with it and never talked to an adult or friends about it.

For their part, parents often feel uncomfortable explaining the illness to their children. Many do not know what to say; some believe the child is too young to notice, or to be told anything. All the parents want to be the best parent they can be.

Our goal is to write an informative book for adolescents, using real vignettes and adolescent language. We will use drawings, definitions and authentic characters to keep it interesting. We will portray positive coping styles and will explain some definitions and general knowledge about mental illnesses. We will succeed if we help one child understand that he or she is not alone with this situation. It is what they all believe.

We are still looking to interview professionals and adolescents (14-19). If you or anyone you know is interested, please contact us as soon as possible at the e-mail addresses below.
Lynn Kerner is a psychiatric social worker with 18 years of casework experience, and can be reached at ltk954@netzero.net. Johanna Ambrosio is a freelance writer who has covered mental-health issues; she can be reached at jambrosio@earthlink.net.