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Community Connections, Fall 2002

A Child’s View
"Destiny," age 14, first encountered her mother's mental illness about a year ago. This is her account of what happened.

I first found out about my mom's illness when we were in the car. She said she was going to crash it. She said she was being followed by gangsters and other people who were coming to get her. It was my grandmother's car she took, and when we got back to my grandmother's house, my grandmother called the paramedics and they took Mom to the hospital. I was scared, and I was wondering what was going to happen to her.

Nobody really told me much about what was going on. The policeman asked me what happened, but I don't remember anyone telling me anything much. I visited her in the hospital, but it made me very sad. Every time I had to leave, I cried. I worried about what was going to happen to her and if she was going to get better.

My mom talks about it now. She says that what happened in the car is called a psychotic episode, and she said it was scary for her, too, because she thought all the things she saw were real. My dad lives with us, but he doesn't talk about it.

I told my two best friends about what was going on. I had to be absent from school a lot when Mom was in the hospital, so I told them why. I had a big fight with them about something else since then, and we're no longer friends. But they were okay when I told them about what was going on.

Mom is doing better now, but I'm kind of afraid it will happen again. I mean, we'd know this time, so it would be easier. We might even be able to help prevent it, because we'd know what to look for - she'd be telling us stuff about people coming to get her. Or, like the first time, right before the car incident, she started calling a bunch of people on the phone at home, and then when I walked into the room she'd hang up. If it started happening again, maybe we could help her by telling someone - like her best friend, or Dad. She might even be able to tell her psychiatrist.

Before she got sick, Mom was a nurse. She's not able to work anymore, so she's home a lot. That's good and bad. She gets to spend more time with us, and she's not as grouchy because she has to work. But she censors more things - things we used to be allowed to do that we're not allowed anymore. My brother and I aren't allowed to have our TVs up loud, or our music too loud. We're not allowed to listen to as much music. We can't listen to Pink Floyd anymore. We had this desktop wallpaper on our computer. It was kind of scary, but it wasn't real. It was a zombie, and it scared her. So we had to take it off.

If I could ask Mom anything, I'd ask her a few things. My questions include:

  • What's your medication for? What exactly does it do, and how does it work?
  • What causes your illness?
  • Is it hereditary? Can I get your illness, and can I give it to my children?
  • Will it happen again?
  • Are you getting better? How do you feel?
  • Can I do something to help?
I'd like to get some counseling to talk about some of my feelings. I think all kids should be able to talk to someone they can trust, a guidance counselor or someone.

 

This account is based on an interview for an upcoming book by Lynn Kerner and Johanna Ambrosio. (For more information about this, see Book For Children of Parents with Mental Illness.) Although Destiny is not her real name, she is a real person and these are her words. She has given permission to print this essay.

posted 9/17/02